Feeling better and worse

I only did 3 miles Sunday, and took yesterday off altogether. So I should be feeling better. In a way I am. I don't really feel tired (and slept better last night). Plus, Brad says my experience with the long runs is fairly typical, particularly for a first-timer, and I shouldn't be worried about it. He may be just trying to make me feel better. If so, it worked.

On the other hand, my right ankle is now hurting. Stupid. I was (once again, if you don't like graphic description you may want to skip the next couple of sentences) sitting down trimming my toenails (I do that a lot these days, trying to avoid another black toenail to go with the one I've already got, which hasn't yet fallen off, by the way). I grabbed my right foot to pull it closer -- so I could see -- and when I yanked on it, I pulled the ankle somehow. Now it hurts, and is actually a little bit swollen. How stupid is that?

I've mentioned before that my joints feel sort of fragile. It's a hard feeling to describe, but it's like I can actually feel my joints working in a way that I was never sensitive to before. I sort of walk around on pins and needles all the time. And I seem to move more slowly when I'm walking around or at work. I don't know if it's because of an actual difference in the joints or simply because I'm paying attention more now than before. This ankle thing makes me think it's a diff in the ankle joint. How else could I injure myself while trimming my toenails? My treatment plan is just to ignore it. I guess, depending on how it feels, I may ice it after tonight's run.

(The mind is a weird thing. I've said that I didn't actually intend for anyone to read this blog. And that's still mostly true. I know Jennifer has read it, but based on the available evidence, she's the only one other than me. That's fine with me. Yesterday, however, I was talking to a couple of people at REI and casually mentioned that I'd just finished a blog post. They were surprised to hear that I have a blog, and wanted the address. I just told them to go away and leave me alone because it's not for public consumption (I said it in a nice way). But why would my brain/mouth have blurted that out? Is it because I really want people to read it, even though I think I don't want them to? I do (I know this about myself) sometimes like to be the center of attention. How does that affect the freudian typo thing? Maybe there really is more to that than my boringly analytical self wants to admit? Maybe I'm the only one who seems to be taking it seriously at all anyway. Most of the people coming up on a "freudian typo" Google search are either being light-hearted (even tongue in cheek) or only finding them when they support some kind of political point. No one else is trying to analyze it. So I'll drop it, too.)

I also feel pretty good about being on the downhill slope to running the marathon. I've spent a lot of time and effort on it, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Especially since I gave myself permission to completely ignore my time. (I hope I can do that -- I feel better about the whole thing when I approach it that way.) It's remarkable how stressful it can be (for me, anyway) to worry about my time. When I think I'm running to get a fast time, I sort of dread how hard it will be. When I think I'm just going to go out to do it and finish and live the experience, I'm able to feel better about myself; pleased with the work I've done and the idea of accomplishing a marathon and the sensations associated with being out there with thousands of other people all engaged in this difficult endeavor.

I shouldn't be doing this right now. I should be entering grades. So that's what I'm going to do.

Later...