What am I doing?

Damn!! I was at the end of a long post, and the computer crashed, and it's all gone. All about what I'm going to do in the next week and a half, and about Mozart, Beethoven and Strauss (I decided to listen to the Four Last Songs -- I have Elisabeth Schwarzkopf's last version, and it's just amazingly good. I haven't listened for a long time, and had forgotten how much I like it.)

And about what pace I'll run, and about how I want to go fast, so I can be good and everyone will say "Wow. That's great!" And about how I deep down want people to say that. But how it's also true that if I run a 4:45 or even slower it will still be OK. Just finishing is an accomplishment. Really it is. Lot's of people don't. I might not, though I've stopped thinking that.

And about my ankle, and how it's weird that walking around -- especially on stairs -- it really kinda hurts. And when I lie in bed it's hard to find a position in which it doesn't hurt at least a little bit. But how when I run, as long as I run consistently and straight it's OK. Going up even a little rise twinges it a little bit, though. I'm fine as long as I'm on the flat, and running evenly and consistently. I hope I'll be able to do that for 26.2 miles.

And about Chad's call tonight, which was interesting.

My bib number is 2981. (They sent me an e-mail day before yesterday with my number.) I'll have a blue number. They give blue numbers to first-time marathoners. It's not really a bib. It's just a square piece of paperish material that will have my name and number on it that gets safety-pinned to the front of my shirt. If you register early enough, which I did, they are able to print your name on your bib. Pretty cool. Is 2981 a good number? I don't know. The square of 9 is 81, so maybe that's a good omen! ;-) (Of course, the 2 and the 9 should really be reversed for the math to work, but who's counting?)

OK. It's really late and I'm really tired. I wish the computer hadn't dropped my post. I haven't really re-created it. Too bad. Or from your perspective, probably good. You won't have to read through all that. I had sort of gotten philosophical about how much I was thinking about how it would go and how fast I'd be. So you dodged all that. Lucky. Plus I had talked more about the music that you won't have to dig through.

Really discombobulated post tonight. Oh, well. The last couple have been really bad, I think. I'm just not being careful. It's a good thing I'm not writing expecting a real audience. (And I apologize to anyone who does actually try to read this mess. I'll try to be more careful in the future. Or maybe not.)

Later...